Currently: April 2025
aka: the debit card is active and the brain is not.
Currently Listening To
Soundcloud, my sweet messy muse. We’ve been here before - but this time she hits different. Maybe it’s the nostalgia. I’m deep into the archive, searching for the sparkle that makes you feel like you’re at a warehouse party - except I’m driving to work at 8am to my very normal job.
Nissan Altima x Missy by Icee Red, this has been my one that’s on loop. I need the energy of a Boiler Room dj set every day. Every morning. To get the vibes and the heart palpitations going. It’s only right.
What’s Working
My debit card. She’s got hustle and no boundaries. She is always swiping and tapping away, and living a little too freely.
On the other hand, budgeting is also working. I’m trying to check in with myself, mentally and financially. Especially before I hit ‘place order.’ Because if I’m gonna spend, I want to at least have the decency to be aware while doing it. Self-awareness doesn’t always stop the damage from happening, but at least I can predict the downfall.
What’s Not Working
The Brain.
It’s operational. It’s still there. But it’s not really there. Definition of lights on no one’s home. I have twelve things to do and the only thing I want to do is make a new playlist, write novels in my notes app about a life I’m not living yet, or come up with a random idea in the middle of work and then I’m upset because I can’t do anything about it yet.
Focus is a concept. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe my soul is just ready to evolve. Or maybe in this stage of life I’m a bit tired of my everyday responsibilities. Either way - something’s gotta shift. Hopefully my mindset. Hopefully not my alignment.
Moodboard Intention: Water Energy
Water is the vibe this month. Drink it. Breathe it. Be one with it. Absorb that shit and become the H2O molecule.
We’re thinking fluid, flowing, soft but strong. Hydration to the fullest. The energy is blue, glowing, and not to be messed with. For the scorpios - just like me - this is a return to self. A cleansing. A little seasonal soul rinse. Soak it up and let it go.
Brain Rots
Five day work weeks. Get rid of it. By Friday we’re all feeling brain rotted and I know it. We have the Friday-itis. If we’re not accomplishing the goals and work by Thursday, it’s not getting done that week. By this time, we’re just trying to get through the day, yapping with coworkers if we can manage to even speak another sentence at this point, and moving our mouse around while we try to figure out what work we could possibly do to make the day go any faster. We need the day off. If it’s not productive, why are we here. Let us relax, reset, and rejuvenate. I promise, the work we’re not doing today, will be accomplished 10 fold on Monday.
Vibe Check
Right now, I’m craving a break. Not from life - but into a new one. Something exciting. A shift. Something that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, and even then, only barely.
And here’s the thing about this: when it comes to yourself, and your own vision, you don’t need to explain any of that to other people. If they don’t get it, that’s valid. They don’t have to. You live your life. You know what works and what doesn’t. What you want to build, what you’re willing to walk away from.
So go. Try. Fail. Pivot. But don’t make yourself wait so long that you end up wondering what life could’ve looked like. That’s the lesson this month: don’t explain, just do. And within reason of course. We’re not trying to set ourselves up for failure. But we are trying to evolve.
